A LETTER TO JANE DOE
by
Anonymous
(NOTE: Jane is not the name of the person written to. She is a growing Christian and the only believer in her family. She teaches English, not her first language, in an university far from her family. Here is the writer’s advice.)
You asked me the question. "Is it a sin to marry a divorced man?" That is not a dumb question and it is not an easy one to answer. I have asked for God's help in saying the right thing to you. In other words, how would God want me to answer this question?
To start off with I thought about giving you a list of Scriptures to read showing that the Bible clearly teaches against divorce. But the problem with this, is this, you can find another person that will give you a list of Scriptures to read that says it is okay to marry a person who is divorced. For a single person it becomes bewildering. What does the Bible really say? Or better yet, what is it that God wants you to do about it.
I decided to answer your question this way. By letting God answer it directly to you. Let me tell you how it happens.
First, I want you to get a blank piece of paper. On top write your name. Then draw a little picture of yourself under your name. It does not have to look that great, a stick figure will do fine. Then under that draw three large boxes side by side across the page. Now I am going to diagram the young lady called Jane. This page represents you.
I want to start with the box on the right side. Inside this box write the word "body." In the middle box write the word "soul." And in the left hand box write the word "spirit." I would like you to read these two verses.
" Yahweh God formed man from the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul." Genesis 2:7
"May the God of peace himself sanctify you completely. May your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Thessalonians 5:23
In the first verse God formed man's body from the dust of the earth. The breath of God in Hebrew means a wind which refers to a spirit. When the two combined man became a living soul.
Now Jane, you have a body which is a gift from God and it is wonderfully made. Take good care of it. You also have a soul. This part is far more complex, but in a simple form Scripture indicates that the soul has three functions. Write these words under the word "soul" It has a will, that is your desires; a mind, that is your thoughts; and emotions, that is your feelings. I will talk more about your soul in a minute.
To finish our diagram, the spirit part of man by far is the most complex part. Again write these words down under "spirit." The Bible is a spiritual book, written for spiritual people. The Bible describes three spiritual functions that man can experience. The functions are: conscience, which is knowing right from wrong, intuition, which is discerning something without understanding it, and communion, the ability to communicate with another spirit. The definitions I have given you are the Bible's and not my own.
Now don't panic on me yet, Jane. It may sound strange to you, what I just said. That is understandable, because it took me a year of studying this before I fully accepted it. The mistake I was making through a large period of my Christian life was not understanding this.
The spiritual life is governed by laws just like the physical life is. There are no exceptions. The first law is, spiritual things are associated with spiritual things. While physical things are associated with physical things. Your hand is part of your body. It is a physical thing. In it you have a pin writing these words down on a piece of paper. The paper and pin are physical things. There is an association between the two, the hand and the pin.
Now there is a soul part. Your thoughts, feelings, and desires are not part of your body. Your thoughts cannot pick up a pin, but they can tell the hand what to write.
Likewise, your spirit is not the same as your soul. Your soul only can understand things through your thoughts, feelings, and wishes. Your spirit can not work this way. It communicates with other spirits and knows things in an entirely different way. Your spirit can have an effect on your soul.
Jesus said to the woman at the well, "I am looking for people who will worship me in truth and spirit." Jesus did not say, "I am looking for a physical or soulish relationship but a spiritual one." The mistake many Christians are making today is that they are looking to God with their soul. This is not Biblical.
Because you are a Christian, Jane, God's Spirit, the Holy Spirit, is now living in you. It is living inside of your spirit communicating to you. God's Spirit, according to Scripture, is only seeking to communicate to the spirits of man. No where, in Scripture, can I find where God's Spirit is directly involved with the body or soul.
But as it is written, "Things which an eye didn't see, and an ear didn't hear, which didn't enter into the heart of man, these God has prepared for those who love him." But to us, God revealed them through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God. For who
among men knows the things of a man, except the spirit of the man, which is in him? Even so, no one knows the things of God, except God's Spirit. But we received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit which is from God, that we might know the things that were freely given to us by God. Which things also we speak, not in words which man's wisdom teaches, but which the Holy Spirit teaches, comparing spiritual things with spiritual things. Now the natural man doesn't receive the things of God's Spirit, for they are foolishness to him, and he can't know them, because they are
spiritually discerned. But he who is spiritual discerns all things, and he himself is judged by no one. "For who has known the mind of the Lord, that he should instruct him?" But we have
Christ's mind. 1 Corinthians 2:9-16
Paul is teaching, in this passage, that we learn from God through our spirit, not our soul. It is through communication or communion with God's Spirit that brings us into right fellowship with Christ. Was it not Christ who said, "I must leave in order for the Comforter to come? And when he comes you will know all things."
Now to answer your question. Your spirit is troubled by the above question. Your conscience will not let you have peace over the matter. Notice here, this is entirely different than ones mind working. If I was to give you a list of Scriptures to read, I would be engaging your mind, trying to understand what to do. Our minds can play tricks on us. Christ warns us many times in Scripture. Doesn't the Bible say, “Lean not on your own understanding?”
The way I see it, God is directly telling you that this is wrong. The reason is not always clear, but God has a better vision then we have.
Let me illustrate this with a story. You are the main character in it. You are going to get married. It is the biggest day of your life. All the plans you have to make have to be perfect. Since I am your friend, of course I want to help. It just so happens that I have this fantastic wedding dress that you can use. You go into the other room to try it on and you come out with a funny look on your face and say, I appreciate what you are trying to do but this dress has some problems. The zipper in back is completely broken. But I say, No, just a minute, Jane, here I will use these safety pins to pull the dress to and I will use some white tape to cover up all the safety pins. But you say, the dress is way too long. I say, just a minute, I can fix that too. I roll up the dress in front and use cloths pins and hot glue to hold the hem up to the right height. But you say, there is a big stain on the side of the dress. I say, no problem, you can hold this bouquet of flowers down to the side the whole time, covering up the stain. Oh yes, you may not have noticed, the cigarettes burns on the other side but I am sure they can be fixed somehow too.
I do not know any women who would wear such a dress. The wedding dress has to be perfect. This is where you can help me, Jane. Why is it when a women picks a man to marry she will overlook all kinds of character flaws in the man. If she would not accept a worn out tattered dress, why does she accept a man who has the potential to do great harm to her happiness. I have seen this many times. I know you have too.
I hope this little sermon has helped you some. I am sure this man is a fine person, but that is not good enough. Marriage is a bonding of two people and if the arrangement is unequal it is doomed. God warns us about being unequally yoked. If a man is divorced, in God's sight he is still yoked to his former wife. Marriage is a blood covenant between a man and a women. It is for life. This last sentence is a very hard saying. Most Christians that I know would be very angry if they read it.
When we see people whom we think might be the right mate for our lives we need to ask ourselves, is it my mind at work or is it my will, or is it my emotions. You see what I mean? My emotions might tell me one thing and my mind would agree with it, but it is all wrong if my spirit is at war with my soul. A spiritual woman will follow a spiritual life style. This is a life worth living because in it there are many rewards that the soul cannot comprehend.
But as it is written, "Things which an eye didn't see, and an ear didn't hear, which didn't enter into the heart of man, these God has prepared for those who love him.” 1 Corinthinas 2:9
The word heart here refers to man's soul, not his spirit. I do not know you all that well but I hope that these words that God wants me to share with you will give you the answer you are looking for.
Your Christian Friend
Jane accepted the advice and replied: “I did understand what you said, but I hope you don't mind my making a little more discussion or maybe you will call it an argument. The thing is the man is a nice and kind Christian, I really like him. But he told me that he can't remarry because of his divorce. He's very gentle to all his friends and he's doing a very good job for God. But I am sure he feels lonely and his house needs a hostess. He deserves a woman who loves God first and him second.”
Here is a situation where a couple could meet each others needs, but cannot. It seems IT IS JUST NOT FAIR!
God’s ways are always best and we must not focus on what we think is fair or not fair. There is a reason for all of God’s principles of life. The subject is continued on the next web page, about “It’s Just Not Fair.”
Therefore I urge you, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service. Don't be conformed to this world, but
be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:1,2
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Revised June 2000. Scriptures changed to The World English Bible.
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